Something About Stars -- Chapter 9 Commentary

[earlgreytea68]

In response to this post, lorelaisquared requested Chapter Nine from Something About Stars. 

She didn’t land the TARDIS in his flat. She felt that might be stepping over a line after the words that had been flung on her previous visit, so she landed on the street, across from his flat, and she waited, because, at some point, he would have to leave or come home.

It turned out that she met him coming home, that he had almost walked past the TARDIS before he stopped and turned back to it slowly. Athena stood up, from where she’d been sitting on the curb waiting.

Why was Matt coming home instead of going out? Because I could envision him walking past the TARDIS quickly, focused, tired after a long day, and pulling up short. It seemed less dramatic to me if he was going out and saw it while he locked the door.

Matt put his hands in his pockets and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

She really wished she’d planned something out, some sort of speech, something, instead of just rushing right here and what exactly had she been doing while she waited for him, she could have planned a spectacular speech for him!

I'm not sure Athena thought Matt would even stop to give her an opportunity to speak. I think even this surprised her. Which is silly, Athena is completely underestimating exactly how much Matt loves her, but then, she's always done that. She's also underestimating, though, what an essentially *decent* person Matt is. Even when he's hurt, he has a difficult time hurting others. Truthfully, I've always felt the kids could be vicious arguers. Certainly, I think their father is an extremely effective one. There's a ruthless streak in all of them, that Matt lacks, which makes Matt a nice complement to them.

“Can we go somewhere?” she heard herself blurt out.

He regarded her for a very long moment. It was twilight, and the light was too dim for her to quite make out the expression in his eyes. Then he nodded.

She would have skipped over to him, she was so delighted to have passed this first hurdle, but he was not smiling or looking especially welcoming so she thought skipping might be premature. She walked over to him solemnly. He said nothing to her, simply turned and started walking, and she walked next to him, trying now to belatedly plan her spectacular speech.

The thing is that Matt doesn't know what to say. The thing is that Matt is thinking that he needs to *stop* this, this being at her beck and call, when it isn't going anywhere, when he could envision himself living the rest of his life in a limbo waiting for her. We're in Athena's point of view, so we get these thoughts, but that is what Matt is thinking.

He held the door open, when they got to where he had been leading her, and she saw it was a bar, full of cozy corners and squishy chairs. He did not lead her to a cozy corner or a squishy chair, going instead for a prosaic and uninviting bar stool, and she reluctantly slid onto the stool next to him, thinking that she would have preferred a cozy corner for her spectacular speech.

Matt is such an automatic gentleman. This is something that still exists in the South, I found when I was down there.

He made a small gesture to the bartender, and she watched him, the jut of his chin and the curve of his nose, the way his dark hair curled against the nape of his neck. She found herself staring at the nape of his neck.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen here. I mean, I knew where the conversation had to *go,* but I hadn't planned out how I was easing them into it. Athena's sudden fixation with the nape of his neck I could just see so clearly.

“So what’s up?” he asked, heavily. And then, self-consciously, “What?”

She shifted her gaze to his face, and he clapped a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed.

“What?” he asked again, and she realized it was obvious she’d been staring.

“Matt, about…” She trailed off, trying to figure out what the actual topic was.

He waved his hand. “Let’s not discuss it. What’s up? What do you need?”

I *love* this moment. Also unplanned,  but this: "What do you need?" This is so exactly what Athena loves about Matt, what she's always loved about him, even before she realized it. The fact that Matt said this accelerated the whole scene, because I knew Athena would realize this as soon as Matt said it, and of *course* she would kiss him. She would *have* to.

In truth, I fell in love with Matt in this story when he made Athena count to sixty to calm her down when she was sobbing in his arms. The way to Athena's heart had to be the way to her author's heart: giving Athena what she needs, even when she doesn't know it herself.

She stared at him, as the bartender passed him a bottle of beer and he took a sip and they had shouted at each other and she had taken away his Thhhhhhhhhhhmyrian fudge and all of her DVDs (among other advanced video technologies) and she had shown up here again without even an apology and he had not even hesitated but asked her what she needed. And partially she was appalled that maybe she only came to see Matt when she needed him, but mostly she was realizing that she always needed him and that he had always let her need him and had never demanded anything from her in return and she scooted forward on her barstool, closer to him, and he looked at her if he was expecting her to speak and instead she closed her fingers into that lovely hair on the nape of his neck and kissed him.

He pulled away with a strangled noise of obvious surprise, staring at her wide-eyed. “What’s wrong with you?” he breathed.

When Kristin and I first discussed this story, which happened oh-so-very-long-ago, this was one of the first moments we wrote: that, when Athena first kissed Matt, he would be like, "What's wrong with you?" in alarm. Athena's response was going to be, "I've never been better. I've really never been better." And, as you can see, those lines of dialogue survived through everything else.

“Nothing,” she said. “Matt—”

“No. Really.” He put a hand over each side of her chest, and she knew it had nothing to do with a thought toward a caress but more that he was checking that both her hearts were beating. “Is it some kind of…” He frowned in thought. “What could it be? A…drug? A virus?”

“Matt,” she said, and kissed him again.

“Listen to me,” he murmured, drawing back again but not nearly as far away as he’d moved the last time. His hands had risen up, cradling her head, his thumbs stroking at her jaw. “If you keep kissing me, I’m going to kiss you back.”

“Any time you’d like to start doing that would be fine with me,” she told him, kissing him again, and he did kiss her back then, and, for the first time in her life, Athena Tyler smiled while being kissed. It was the most astonishing feeling. Happiness bubbled up from the tips of her toes, until she had to push Matt away to laugh with sheer joy.

Athena's done a lot of kissing. I wanted to make this one different for her.

He looked at her worriedly. “See, you’re really not okay, you’re—”

“I’ve never been better,” she told him, honestly. “I’ve really never been better.” She threw her arms around him and buried her nose into the curve of his neck, underneath the collar of the button-down shirt he was wearing. “Did you come from work?” she asked, contentedly, nuzzling at him.

I love this moment. I love how comfortable Athena is immediately with this shift in their relationship. He's hers now, that is simply the end of it.

“I really think you’re not okay,” he said, even as he held her to him. She was properly off her bar stool now, standing between his legs, and his hands were wonderfully warm against the small of her back.

Okay, this was the only way they could be positioned, right? It's the only way that made sense. But I remember fretting when I put her between his legs, because it wasn't meant to be an *overtly* sexual position for them, but writing it out in plain prose made it seem that way. Trust me, it's not. It's just the way that they fit at that moment. (It's not entirely unsexual, either, of course.)

She chuckled and straightened. His hands stayed securely on her back, as he looked up at her, hazel eyes cast with concern. “I love you so much,” she realized, in astonishment. “I love you so, so much.”

He stopped breathing, the rise and fall of his chest suspended. He stared at her, his eyes searching her face. “Tell me you mean it,” he said, finally.

Why, look. It's another moment I love. What a dull commentary this is. But I love the idea that Matt's been protesting, Matt's been worried, but she tells him she loves him, and he just *can't* protest anymore. He needs to believe that this is true, real, happening. He needs to believe that she means it.

“I mean it.”

He stood abruptly and kissed her hard, before pulling back just as abruptly. “Just a second,” he told her, and then dug cash out of his pocket and dropped it on the bar. Then he took her hand. “We need to talk,” he said, and led her out of the bar.

“Matt, I’m sorry,” she said, as they walked, feeling it was necessary to let him know this, that she was sorry for everything. “I’m so sorry. I—“

He stopped walking, turning to her. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters now. Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said, and caught her up in another kiss.

I think, originally, Matt did not say that he loved her in return. She said "I love you," and he kissed her. I still think that version was okay--he obviously does love her, he adores her, so maybe it didn't need to be said out loud--but I also decided that it was only fair for her to get to hear him say it, too.

“Matt,” she mumbled.

He grunted, busy still kissing her.

“Can we go to your flat?”

“Yes. That’s where we’re going. Right now. Or in just a second. Soon.”

“To talk?”

“What?” He sounded slightly annoyed she kept talking to him.

Notice there's not really any description of what he's doing right here? Yeah, I don't do description when it involves with the kids. Use your imagination. ;-)

“Are we going to your flat to talk?”

“Yes.”

“When we’re done talking, can we not talk?”

“Yes,” he answered, and then paused and pulled away. “Full disclosure,” he said.

Athena felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. “Is this about Kelly?”

He shook his head. “No, I…I broke up with Kelly.”

I wanted him to already be broken up with Kelly here. I didn't want anything hanging over their heads.

Athena was surprised. “You did?”

“Yes, she got some ridiculous idea in her head that I was in love with someone else. I don’t know where she got this idea.”

Athena smiled at him and kissed him again.

“No. Seriously,” he said, pushing her away. “Full disclosure. I don’t have any…I mean, there are no…See, the thing about tentacles is that…I don’t have any.”

Athena looked delighted. “I know. You’re you, that’s what makes you perfect. And this will be my first time, without the tentacles. It’s almost like being a virgin again!”

Matt looked fretful. “I don’t know if that’s less pressure, or more.”

Oh, this exchange. Oh, Matt and Athena, how are you so adorable to me?

Athena laughed, and hugged him again, and buried her face against him again. She had hugged him countless times but it was different to hug him and know that she loved him. She wanted to hug him forever. “I am absurdly in love with you,” she said, and then he kissed her again, and stars burned overhead, and time didn’t skip.

Stars! Look, even here, stars!

And, of course, the reference to time not skipping. This was a Happy Chapter. Matt and Athena are about to be absolutely submerged in plot, this was their nice deep breath before the deluge.

Comments

[meralee82.livejournal.com]

I LOVE this chapter.

I love it every time I read it. I love how real they are, how I can just *hear* them saying all of this.

Sigh. :)

[lostmoon71.livejournal.com]

Oooh I just love this chapter. The nape of the nevk? A very good thing!

[earlgreytea68.livejournal.com]

Awww, thank you, I'm so glad!

[earlgreytea68.livejournal.com]

There is something very sexy about the way a man's hair can fall on the nape of his neck.

[lorelaisquared.livejournal.com]

Awww, YAY! This commentary made me delightfully happy. I admit, I HAD to reread the chapter properly as well. I *do* love it so. There's just so much Athena/Matt goodness and I love seeing the tidbits you've put in. It's so interesting to see what's going through your mind.

I love what you say about Matt stopping to listen even though he's mad at her. It's so true. In fact, it reminds me a bit of how the Doctor was with Rose in S1 and 2 - always giving her way more leeway than she deserved because she was Rose... Matt puts up with a lot, because she's Athena - and I love him for it. He's such an amazing guy.

Nape of the neck... *g* Nice choice!

I also like what you said here: The way to Athena's heart had to be the way to her author's heart: giving Athena what she needs, even when she doesn't know it herself. What a beautiful way to put this and it rings so true. Not only for Athena and Matt but for any relationship. It's so important to have someone who can see/anticipate those needs in us. I'm pretty sure a good, long marriage depends on this

THANK YOU for this:
Notice there's not really any description of what he's doing right here? Yeah, I don't do description when it involves with the kids. Use your imagination. ;-) I mean I LOVE Matt and Athena but I just can't go there. Athena will always be that little girl obsessed wtih pink and glitter... knowing she's happy with the man she loves is enough for me.


Stars! Look, even here, stars!
and now "Oh my stars" is in my head. Not that I'm complaining - I LOVE that song. It's so lovely.

[earlgreytea68.livejournal.com]

Awww, I'm so glad it made you happy, as it was done for *you*!

Awww, you're right, the Doctor and Matt both love with single-minded devotion!

Ha! I love that you share my reluctance for sex scenes with the kids!

I wish I'd known "Oh My Stars" when I was writing this, it would have been *perfect*!

[lorelaisquared.livejournal.com]

*nods* it was a GREAT commentary. Thank you! I'm glad I asked for this chapter!

Oh yes I very much share your reluctance for sex scenes with the kids. I'm like that with HP fic too. I don't read it often, but when I do I avoid anything with a rating about PG-13... It's just... wrong when you knew them as kids. (and hey, these kids are like your Babies so I totally get it!)

Oh it is perfect! I've been listening to it while writing my fic and whenever it comes on I seem to write more. It's just a great song!

[earlgreytea68.livejournal.com]

Ha! I never read HP fic, but I could totally see myself having the same problem!

[lorelaisquared.livejournal.com]

I really don't read HP fic - only what my friend/writing buddy rumpelsnorcack writes and anything she links me to that I MUST read. But if the rating is high I won't touch it.