Possibly, I'm Insane

For anonymous

“What about a Christmas album?” Brie suggests. “Christmas albums are always huge hits!”

“A Christmas album?” Patrick repeats. He sounds skeptical.

But Matt’s not sure why. He personally thinks it sounds like a great idea. “You don’t think we should do a Christmas album?” he says later, when they’re back at home.

Patrick looks at him in surprise. “I didn’t think you would want to.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you always said Christmas albums were for bands that were old.”

“I am embracing being old,” Matt replies. “Turns out there are perks to being older and wiser than you were.”

For rereader 

Matt has never made a gingerbread house before, because when would that have happened in his life? He buys the kit on a whim and tells Patrick, “I thought Adam would like it!”

Patrick says indulgently, “Sure,” but doesn’t seem as enthusiastic as Matt would have thought.

Six hours later when the house keeps collapsing on them and Adam has lost interest, Matt gets it. “So gingerbread houses don’t work,” he concludes, disappointed. He’d had grand hopes. But he cheers himself up. “But it does suit this falling-down house of yours.”

“Maybe I’ll try a gumdrop roof next,” Patrick proposes.

Requested by rereader 

Kylie’s day: a disagreement over a piece of charcoal in art class; a geometry test she was sure she failed; something about lunch tables that Matt couldn’t follow even though Kylie explained it three times. Then Patrick ordered pizza for dinner, forgetting Kylie couldn’t have pizza from the local place because she’d heard someone who worked there was friends with a school jerk, so she was boycotting.  

“Cheer up,” Matt remarked that night. “You had them so close together in age, eventually all of them are going to be in high school at the same time.”

Patrick scowled at him.

Requested by corinnetags 

Matt is surprisingly adept at home-schooling. He didn’t think he would be -- he remembers barely being able to do his own schooling -- but something about the controlled chaos of coordinating the girls’ virtual classrooms suits him.

“It’s like touring,” Patrick remarks. “Just organized enough to keep going, just wild enough to hold your interest.”

Matt agrees. But it’s also home, everyone he loves in one space, and maybe – just maybe – it feels like he’s getting to make up for the years without any home at all.

Matt isn’t grateful for the pandemic, but he sees its silver lining.

Requested by anonymous. 

“Everyone, stop,” said Miranda.  

Everyone paused in what they were doing to look at her.

“Matt.” Miranda pointed to the fireplace. “Where is your stocking?”

“Oh,” said Matt, and resumed trimming the tree. “I don’t have a stocking.”

The kids gasped.

“You don’t have a stocking?” shrieked Hailey.

“I…” Matt was bewildered.

“You need to have a stocking, Matt,” said Hailey.

“We all have stockings,” Kylie pointed out.

“Everyone in the family needs a stocking,” finished Miranda.

Matt looked at the stockings all in a row and thought how sometimes he still managed to forget: He had a family now.

 Requested by corinnetags .

“There’s a ‘Who Can Sing the Best?’ drinking game,” Patrick told Matt.

“Oh, no,” Matt said. “How do you know this?”

“The kids are planning a party for the premiere and were looking for party ideas.” Patrick read out loud, “Take a shot every time Matt mentions Patrick Reed.”

“Oh, God, stop,” said Matt.

“Finish your drink whenever Matt is very sexy oh wait that’s always never mind.” Patrick looked up. “Always, huh?”

“If you put that away and never mention it again, I’ll give you enough Matt Usher sexy to finish all the drinks.”

“What a promise,” said Patrick.

Requested by sdlibrarian .

Photo shoots were always inexplicable, but this one felt exceptional.

Patrick tilted his head at the photo, where Matt was sprawled on a bed of feathers, sending the camera a come-hither look. “But what’s it supposed to represent?”

Matt pretended to consider. “Sex,” he replied. “It’s supposed to be sexy.”

Patrick laughed. “No, I know but…they could put you in anything and tell you to just make that look.”

“Yeah. Hence the feathers.”

Patrick laughed again.

“By the way. I brought a few home. Thought we could put them to sexy use.”

“Go sprawl somewhere and look come-hither,” commanded Patrick.